"Are you much hurt, sir?"

That handsome devil up there is performing one of the best parts of a Fort George visit: the musket demonstration.

The Short Land Pattern Tower Flintlock Smooth Bore Muzzle Loading Musket, or "Brown Bess" for short (the acronym SLPTFSBMLM never took off, for some reason), was the primary weapon of the British Army for almost 150 years. The AK-47 of its generation, if you will.

My favourite part of that video happens to be the guy either filming or close enough to be heard saying, "It's not as loud as a .50 cal[iber]." Well, bro, I'm not firing a live round, but that's still interesting considering I did mention musket is .75 caliber.

That's why Call of Duty doesn't have muskets. Kids these days are so hard to please.

Hollywood has done us a great disservice when it comes to portraying our time period. It's not "cool" or "fast-paced" enough to show Mel Gibson reloading his musket; nah, they just give him more. That's right -- to Hollywood, it's more practical for a man to carry multiple 10-pound guns than to reload one. (That entire scene -- nay, film -- makes me cringe.)

In my video, I'm not even trying to speed load -- I don't have the benefit of an enemy army shooting back at me -- and I can still reload in just under 20 seconds (my fastest personal best is 11). The standard for the British Army was 15 seconds.

Hollywood also glosses over the absolutely deplorable reliability of these things (unless it's for dramatic tension). See, these weapons misfired about 30% of the time. If it was raining, windy, humid, snowy, or just plain lazy, the weapon wouldn't fire thanks to its spark-dependent, flintlock mechanism. But it's more dramatic if Mel Gibson fires at the enemy in a torrential downpour, when in reality it would be one giant 'click'-fest.

But wait! Your damsel in distress is being held hostage by some nefarious ne'er-do-well!? Not a problem! That trusty Bess can easily fire across the battlefield and safely lodge the ball right between his eyes! Wait, what's that? These things could only fire accurately to about 50-75 yards?

Sorry, Mel. The good news is you'd put a hole clean through both of them, though. Huzzah!

-J-

Where Right and Glory Lead

Story time, kids! Grab a seat.

I started at Fort George in 2009. I got an email from the government that I honestly thought was spam at first; turns out, it would be the one to quite definitively change my life. It wondered if I was interested in joining Fort George's "Military Animation Squad", which meant dressing up in two-ply wool, performing firepower demonstrations for the public and engaging in "authentic and period military behaviour."

To quote the great Wayne Campbell: "Schwing!"

I landed an interview and as I entered the fort, I realized I'd only been there at night on a ghost tour (more on those later). Seeing it in the day was quite a treat. I'd done a bit of homework and research, but I'll admit: my knowledge on the War of 1812 on that spring morning was equivalent to the next person -- which is to say, next to nothing.

I entered the blockhouse and sat down; halfway through my interview, one interviewer (and my future boss) Peter pulled a Brown Bess musket out from under the table the three interviewers were sitting at.

Now normally, if someone pulls a gun out during an interview, chances are it's not going that well.  In this case, my strength and endurance were tested as I needed to be able to hold and point the thing (it weighs 11 lbs). Luckily, my experience as a part-time bodybuilder* gave me the upper-body strength needed to succeed. A few weeks later, I got the phone call that began this epic insanity.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

The 2009 41st Reg't of Foot Grenadier Company

Who's that handsome devil? No, the other one. No, not him, HIM. Ugh, never mind.

(*Author may not have been a bodybuilder)

-J-